went for moe teaching award interview on 18/4, thurs. think i totally blew it cuz i said can't control the kids and might only be a bit disappointed if was rejected. =x can sense my uncertainty la, so most prob no hope le cuz no one in the right mind would offer any award/ scholarship to such unconvincing candidates. i'm half hoping i won't get, yet would be a bit disappointed, or perhaps worry about my dad's response if didn't get.
now i'm not even sure i wanna do accountancy at ntu. smu double degree sounds most interesting currently. but whatever it is, there seems to be no point to this whole thing; there's no real goal. i'm still lost and easily influenced by others. don't wanna think le but doesn't mean it will go away. always like that de - running away, avoiding, suppressing unpleasant, overwhelming thoughts, emotions, problems - no wonder i'm such a nut case sometimes.
pretty tired cuz of training and work. sleep late, wake up early, out the whole day. didn't even see my parents much these 2 or 3 weeks. now non peak le, yesterday (friday) quite a lot of waiting time. sld have decided and told them yesterday last day. feeling damn sian about going work. need a break. maybe it's just mood swing. doing macnom again next week. haiz. but will miss them la.. thinking dunno if sld get sth for them... but what leh... shang nao jing. most probably in the end no action again. haha. =x
next week intensive training again cuz performance on sat. i hope got nobody i know but alr know some people going down. gah. seem to have lotsa performance around this time for various schools. then rach mention hrc too... omg like, no! crap. that one better not screw up or cannot show face le.
in a clubbing destressing mood but nobody to go with. wait for it to go away ba...
going studio wu tml, need to finish my classes by tue. really spending 7 days a week in that area; might as well live there sia. -__-"
